Autumn is the Spring of Winter

Today's already the 1st of September. Although officially it is still summer, the weather confirms that it's actually autumn. It's so cold outside, and the sky is hiding behind these huge dark clouds but it still doesn't rain. It's perfect. I love rain. I love watching the water coming down from the roofs of these old houses, and running down the empty streets. Everything is deserted, restless, but still so quiet.
Rain makes me feel safe, it's like when it snows, and no one gets out of their warm houses. And you feel safe, like nothing bad can happen to you.
The moment that I hate most, is when the rain stops, and you can already see the sun revealing from behind the clouds. That's it! I just can't stand that. It makes me sick.

When it rains it's like life stops for a while, just like when you're playing a videogame and you pause it. And sometimes we all need to take a break, to pause our lives, to forget everything and just concentrate on that magic moment. We need to not exist anymore.
When it's raining, I'm not here. I don't exist. But that doesn't mean I'm dead. That is the moment when I feel more alive than ever. Rain brings me to life, it finally makes me live. You see, when it's sunny, life is a rush,
it loses its real meaning, we are too busy focusing on stupid things to actually see the real meaning of it. But when it rains, it's all different. I, when it rains, need to pause myself, and "die" for a moment.
I need to delete myself, so I can only feel alive.